Occasionally life comes at you all at once, and sometimes it comes at you in bite size pieces that you really can digest. It’s the difference between consuming a cow and eating a hamburger. Lately, my life has tended toward the hamburger end of the spectrum, with an occasional Porterhouse (incidentally, my favorite cut of steak) thrown into the mix when my attention span is extra long.
Having life cut down to manageable bits has led to changes. I’ve cut back on my Dionysian tendencies and re-engaged my Apollonian to beneficial effect in life, mind and body; I’ve returned to reading and hopefully soon to writing; I’ve come up with several creative ideas (including an opera based on the Dutch East India Company and a William Golding/The Office parody called ‘Lord of the Files’ involving an office child care gone horribly wrong); and I’ve had trouble sleeping, because my mind does not like to go to rest and I’ve been working long hours.
The Hogarth oil painting to the right (I plan to do analysis of it here soon) is of my new hero, a man who made a fascinating combination of the Apollonian and Dionysian in himself: Sir Francis Dashwood, founder of the Hellfire Club. Is anyone interested in opening a chapter?
David Seah — Design, Productivity, Inspiration, and Empowerment
I’m making a new addition to my blogroll. David Seah is a pretty smart guy, and I like the way he organizes things on paper and on screen. It makes me want to organize myself better, so I can accomplish more. I’ve been kind of down lately, and I feel the need to take some time working on myself and my habits. I don’t really want to grow up, but I really do need to grow. I know how to change.
I feel pretty bad inside right now, maybe some outward discipline will help.
After much consideration into matter psychological, spiritual and physiological, I have reached a conclusion that has given me a perspective that I find to be a breathtaking correction. I read Oliver Sacks Musicophila last year (my serious first brush with neuroscience) and those seeds slowly germinated until a couple weeks ago, when I had an intense soul searching adventure. As succinctly as I can, I will state it below:
The mind is not a system constructed of abilities and learned behaviors that can be augmented, but rather a collection of inhibitions and barriers that can be systematically removed.
This may not be revolutionary to some people, but in some strange way this revelation has given me a great amount of relief and hope. Can anyone perhaps compare this to an existing philosophy? I’m not aware of any, and this idea seems new to me, but I’m sure someone else has gotten here centuries ago. Not that I would have liked to have been told about prior to now, for I feel that arriving at it on my own makes for a superior mortar in my mind.
I kind of used to think myself silly for indulging in blogs. Vain missives streaming into the wild, like a tree falling in the forest with no one to hear it, I would often think, but I persisted — if inconsistently. These days though, it is a very rare day that goes by at work where I am NOT posting something to one of the several blogs I help maintain. So it doesn’t seem like such wasted effort. Not that it makes it any less vain, but knowledge seeks a mouth to speak and a skill seeks hands to keep busy, and it is nice to have that something I never bothered to imagine would have commercial outlet.
I did setup the blogs for the Tryon Daily Bulletin, that was not near as successful an implementation, and it has to do with the savviness of the users. RSS feeds, blogs, and the way that people use the web just never really sank in. Remember, you can’t bullshit the user. You have to work with the user, not tell them how it is going to be and let them sink or swim. They won’t stop using the web because you can’t design it well; they’ll just mosey over to somebody else’s patch of web real estate and set their eyeballs there. Without using and reading blogs you can’t be an effective blogger. I was never very proud of that implementation, so I won’t claim it.
But now I feel like I have it way more figured out, and I am rewarded for pushing my limits. I’m no longer told to hold it back to convoy speed — slowest sets the pace.
That’s a good feeling, and it comes with a paycheck.
About a month ago I got a new job here in Asheville, and I’m really digging it. I’d been at the newspaper for going on 9 years (since I was 16) and felt that I was really beginning to stagnate in my knowledge and in my habits. My mind was constantly about 5 years ahead of what we could actually do, and that depressed me into a kind of chronic stupor.
In my new job, I have already learned things that I had tried to teach myself for years. I’m beginning to learn web design, and to understand the skeleton and flesh and blood of marketing. Other than more money (which can make anyone’s life easier) I feel like I’ve finally got my ducks in a row and some critical mistakes are out of the way. Maybe growing up is just finding out that you like to work more than you like to play. That definition will work for now.
If only my bad habits were as sporadic as my blogging.
Since I last updated, many changes have transpired. Foremost among them is moving to Asheville. Yes, the prodigal loser returns to Asheville, sans the constructive parable for the rest of you. Of course. I’m taking College Algebra (again! Saves on textbooks), Literature Based Research, American Music and Conceptual Physics (which prompted my grandfather to ask, “Isn’t that when a man and a woman…”). I love being in school. It gives me more satisfaction for living per hour than any other activity I do. Hmm. SL per H. Perhaps I should measure more of my life like that.
I also started a new job today, with Sensible City. I’m the online media intern. Basically, I write a lot of e-mails and figure out ways to use the web to promote environmental events. The one I’m working on now is the Eco City World Summit 2008. I know a first day isn’t much, but I like it a lot so far.
This past weekend was POPAsheville and I had a blast. To put it briefly: 2 Nights, 3 Venues, 1 Bus, 34 Bands, $15. Wow. So, I parked in downtown Asheville and went to Stella Blue. Saw Ruby Slippers. Good live, but electronic music like that is often better recorded, and I’d love to hear what they sound like on vinyl. Her voice was lovely though. Think Fiona Apple if she was a soprano and not an alto. Then I took the bus to the Grey Eagle and saw Future Islands. Had heard their name before and had no idea what to expect, but was really impressed. Crap yes! More please! Then I went to see Laura Reed and Deep Pocket at the just-opened Rocket Club, and they was great too. The Rocket Club is in West Asheville, so I made a phone call and arranged to stay at C.‘s house which was walking distance from there. Well this was fine and good but the next day I wake up (sore from lying on wood floor all night) and have to walk back to downtown Asheville to get back to my car. So I bundled up (-7° C ambient, –15° C windchill) and headed down to Sunny Point Café and had some great huevos rancheros, and many cups of strong black coffee. Then bought some RayBans and a 3-pack of black gloves. I only passed one person on the way back to town, and as chance would have it he needed a pair of gloves. So I gave him a pair. I bet he felt pretty lucky to be given a pair of gloves on the coldest day of the year. Below you can see my path.
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It’s really great to live in a town with such youthful culture. Leaving Tryon seems like a better idea everyday.
I never did mention that I’m going back to school. Well I am, and it is not the afterthought that it appears to be here. I really am trying to upgrade my life, and I have made a few sacrifices in the meantime — not all of them insignificant. When I’m in class, taking notes, everything I do makes me feel like I’m doing what I should be doing. It’s a feeling I haven’t had in years, and I relish it like a drug. Though I still feel a little out of place at times. Walking up the steps the other day I rounded a corner, nearly bumping into a girl. “Excuse me, sir,” she said. I can’t be more than two years older than her — if that — and she addressed me like I was one of the faculty. Since then I’ve taken a few more steps to look like I belong, if only to blend in a little more. That led to this exchange, more in the right direction:
“You look like… what’s the word for out of time and place?“I instantly replied.
“Anachronism.”
“Yeah, that’s it. Anachronism.”
Of anything that I’ve been called, that is what I like the best. It’s neutral, neither complimentary nor derogatory, and paints me as neither above nor below my surroundings, but both ahead and behind.
Then a little while later, it led to this:
Frostily trotting
on the cold steps
mouth tight
wordless
speculative in nature
coarsely ground
to a finely finite
finish.
Twenty-dollar words
bottled up like old wine
maybe vinegar by now.
Maybe.
I used to feel that my interests are far to broad to be put to good use in a blog. But I’m reconsidering.
